It's just been so crazy, man. Just so crazy. This is what I've been working toward my whole life, and it's just busy. But, I'm doing more than I should be doing. This weekend, a cousin from a life-time ago came to town. I say life-time ago because his daughter is about to enter college, and I'd never met her. But it gets me to thinking about when I was just a kid and dreaming the dreams of a child - what to be when you grow up. Most kids were talking about the usual stuff - doctors, lawyers, nurses, dentists, engineers.... Me? I always knew this was it for me. Somewhere along the way, I got so busy with life that I kept getting distracted away from what was really important to me.

It's happenning again. Now. You might think, "What could be so important? You're doing everything you've ever wanted to do." And that's true. But, as I've changed, so has what's important.

I was trained to be deligent and serious, an example my father always set before me - sometimes to a fault - and that's the way I am; hardworking and tenacious. I work incredibly hard to attain my goals. Here lately, I've been seeking the other side of me.

I been trying to remember a time in my life when I was freer, simpler, more alive than what I am now. I was a child dreaming the dreams of a child. Now, I am a man in hot pursuit of a goal. That's not where I really want to be, man.

There are things eternally more important than crossing some imaginary finish line. The cost of my determination is being paid by my family. It is not right that my child should only get to hang out with me on a Sunday afternoon after I've given all I have to work. That's just lame. The correct priority is the opposite of that.

So, I'm working on peeling it all back. Soon, I will be spending more time with my family, the people I love more than my work.

This cousin of mine, Paco, is from a family that is much more jovial than what I'm used to. Seeing him with his wife and daughters reminded me of the times when we were kids ourselves, and all the fun we had. Of course life happens, but it's the way you take it in that counts. Paco reminded me that I was jovial at one time, too. When did I become so freaking driven? So, serious?

I endeavor to walk with a less serious attitude about life. This career? Let the cards fall where they may. I'm more interested in the people in my life. This weird thing about this life - for me, anyway - is that the more I want something for the way it will benefit me, the farther away it gets. It's like you have to not want a thing too badly - almost like you have to not want it at all. The ends is a by-product of the means.


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