I never expected to be alive this long. My youthful endeavors were to cease this planet after my 25 years. I never planned for this. Kinda like having guests drop by at dinner time. Well, kinda not.

Last night I was sitting with a group of wonderful friends - brothers and sisters, really - when I started to feel the sensation of a ghostly life. As I sat there, I could see myself, feel myself, actually taste what it would be like to just have one beer again. Just one. I wonder if you know what it's like to wake up everyday and know that you can't do what you love to do - ever again?

The thing is, I love to drink. I mean, I love it like no other thing in this world; at one time even more than God. It's true. No. I'm not kidding. Even more that God. I love it so much I've actually changed my molecular structure to crave it; depend upon it. That's how much I love it. And I can never do it again.

But I took it back down to my coping mechanisms. I took it back down to, "I don't know about later on tonight, or tomorrow, but for now - just right now - I'm not going to do it. Just then, the woman's voice coming to me over the Public Address - God's voice - like a hand reaching through the darkness reached out. She mentioned something about Abraham. And my mind went spinning to the vision of Abraham climbing that mountain.

Abraham got up and climbed his mountian. He didn't want to, I'm positive. But he did it because he trusted God. He went up there to sacrifice the one thing he loved more than anything else in this world, his only son. God wanted to know just how much he loved him, and Abraham's hand was raised gripping the knife with white knuckles. But God didn't let him do it. Instead, God did it for him. He brought his own son up that mountain and sacrificed Jesus instead.

It's not that I feel like I have to sacrifice what I love to do so much as a resurrection. All of that life that went on before, I can never do again - it's true. But in return I have been given a true life. One with love and peace in my heart and light in my world. This is better than being dead; which is what I'm coming from. This is truly life.

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